Do I Look Fat? A guide to dealing with this loaded question.

A married couple, a dating couple, a single female and a single male. Great sampling of people at different stages of their lives. You'd think we'd be able to have a nice conversation about the 4 most dreaded words known to MANkind. Right up there with (perhaps even surpassing, for some) "We Need To Talk". Well, apparently after years of  collective dating, courtship and even a wedding among the merry group, one thing was clear - the guys still don't know how to handle this question of all questions.

Ok, first off, it's NOT a trap, trick question, or any ploy to get you to buy us another outfit. And secondly, I'm just going to state here and now that I speak for myself in this matter and you guys out there have to figure out on your own what YOUR woman means when she looks at you and asks you "Do I Look Fat?" OK?  But here are some pointers.

1) What I Mean

When I ask MySO if I look fat, what I really mean is, does this outfit highlight the not so nice bits of me, or is it doing an adequate job of hiding them.

The reason I ask is because as a woman I'm certain that different bits of me look good on different days. Also, the same bits of me could look good in one thing and awful in another.  And sometimes I get confused and lose track of which bits I need to hide and which I'd like to flaunt.

2)  How To Answer It

It really is NOT a yes/no answer type of question. If your woman says "just tell me yes or no" then she's playing you.

Here's what I look for in an answer: if some bit of me that's not so nice to look at is highlighted in the outfit, then let me know *gently* that it's the outfit that's to blame for the way I look.

Eg. "Yeah, your arms are flabby" is the wrong answer. However, "I think the sleeve length makes your arms look rounder than they actually are" would earn you a kiss on the forehead and a loving smile. Geddit?

Next - I also appreciate a little advice or suggestion on how I could highlight a bit of me that does look nice.

Eg. "No, you look fine" is the wrong answer. FINE is what you pay when you get caught for littering. (Don't get me started on this one... trust me.) However, "Actually, your butt looks really good in those shorts and even if you think you've got flabby thighs, trust me, no one will notice. Wear that shiny belt you love - it'll make your bum look even more fondle-worthy!" just about guarantees you a really, really good night ahead. Trust me on this one.

Notice that last answer managed a criticism even. But hidden under all that praise and constructive belt advice, it was hardly noticeable. See? It's easy.

3) What NOT To Say

In case you're still clueless, just steer clear of these types of answers :

a) do not blame.

NEVER ask her why she's wearing it if she thinks she looks fat in it.,or why she bought it in the first place.

b) do not siam (evade).

NEVER say - it doesn't matter what I think, as long as you like it, or are comfortable or anything along those lines.

c) do not feign ignorance.

NEVER say you don't know about girl stuff, cos she'll just come back with "but you guys look at girls ALL the time and have SO many things to say about this one or that one, don't PRETEND you're not judging us by what we wear.

d) do not patronise.

NEVER say we look nice whatever we wear, and that it doesn't matter what other people think cos you think we're gorgeous.

4) Why I Ask

Because it matters to me that MySO thinks I'm hot, worthy of public appearance on his arm, and come on, we all need validation from time to time. If I'm just going off to the market in slippers and muck-around-at-home shorts I really don't bother asking how I look. Cos I don't really care. But if we're going OUT out, then I'd like to know that when someone looks at us, they'll think - holy smoke, she's hot, and he's one lucky dude. And that he can feel all peacock-y about the blokes scoping me out and KNOW that he's the one I've chosen to be with. So in the end, it's really for the benefit of the guys in our lives. *Grin*