Thursday, December 31, 2009

The year in review

I read a note a good friend posted about how Love was central to all of us, during Christmas time especially.

He's not wrong.

This year was about Love for me too. I've learnt that things DO go smoother when you act from a place of love.

All that screaming and yelling, indignation, having it your way... it's tiresome.

It was also about learning that love makes you do things you never thought you could. It makes you change the way you see others, and perhaps more importantly, the way you see yourself.

It's the ultimate gift. The gift of giving - the gift of love.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Romance is an Exercise

In light of my current situation, I've been asking myself what my next step should be. Those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, this post is not for you. Actually, this post is for myself, truth be told. But you're welcome to spy on my ramblings.

While I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, (ok, DJ says change is entirely possible, but I'm still convinced there's a 90% chance the other shoe's going to whack me on the head) I've been thinking about what a friend asked me today. 'So you're dating?'

Well. No. Or at least, I haven't, yet. And I'm not sure I should be. But I wouldn't be entirely truthful if I said that the thought hasn't crossed my mind. There's a line between actually going out and doing it, and merely considering the idea. I'm not opposed to keeping an eye out for potential romances. There I've said it.

But I owe it to myself and other parties involved to give it a fighting chance. At the moment, I still do badly want a happy ending.

And yet following a conversation I had with my dad on Christmas eve, I find myself approaching this whole romance thing more and more like an exercise in recruitment.

It's not very different after all. The idea is that you want to match the right candidate to the job. In this case, the post to be filled is boyfriend with the possibility of advancement to husband and father.

So we have a look at the resume - let's see, there are certain standard requirements : male, eligible, english speaking, catholic, good morals. Then the preferences : cute, witty, able to hold a conversation, has some depth, self-aware. On to the plus points : stable (financially), responsible, independent, emotionally evolved, secure (psychologically). The bonuses : not opposed to drinking and smoking, can drive, sociable, good in bed (yes you heard me right - it's the last item on my list).


So after you've made a shortlist and picked out your best candidate, the next thing to do is sort out the timing. As with hiring an employee, there are issues such as notice periods and start dates to deal with. These are negotiated and agreed upon and both parties enter into a contract when everyone is satisfied. As an adult, often this is the case with our love lives as well. When there are other factors influencing the entering of either party into a relationship (it may well be probationary at first, as with most jobs)  it becomes necessary to lay all the facts out on the table at the very start. This way both parties know what to expect, if options should still be left open and at what date they need to commit to signing on the dotted line to seal the deal. There is still room for shopping around, so to speak.

It's all so unromantic now. Where are the days of boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy tries to get girl? As a teen, life was simpler. You like a guy, the guy likes you, you get together. When something goes wrong and someone doesn't feel the same anymore, you break up.

My last 4 break-ups have been for practical reasons. That totally sucks. Does love count for anything then?





Sunday, December 27, 2009

1-for-1

An older pair of black strappy low-heeled slip-ons were giving way. So after Mass I invited DJ to come shoe shopping with me. We headed to Parkway Parade.

I spent S$43.90 on this :






It's more than I would normally spend on thongs, but the bling on the top (not  typically something I would pick up) was exactly the reason why I did anyway. Having recently discussed my need for rule-making and sticking to tried and tested paths (read:  I'm an  unadventurous, rigid person) I thought I'd go for it. Break out of the mould. Forge new paths. Er, you know what I mean.

So on I went to make the purchase. The cashier at Charles and Keith was nice enough to understand that some of us just can't wait to get 'em new shoes on our feet. I told her I'd be wearing my new slippers and intended to throw the old ones away. She kindly informed me that if I wanted her to, she'd be glad to take the old pair away. Ah. No strange look, no mocking tone. Just sweet simple understanding. Thank you,  Miss nice cashier lady.

I went out wearing one pair. And came home with another. If only other things in life were as easy to replace. Boyfriends, husbands, children. *Smile*

By the way, if you shop online at Charles and Keith the prices are higher than in the stores. That's why they can afford to offer you free delivery in Singapore. (The ones I bought are going for S$59 online.)

Eastwick

My current fixation: Eastwick

Here's the synopsis from the official website:

GET TO KNOW

Have you ever discovered a wealth of inner power that you never knew you had, and it could change the world as you knew it if unleashed? Yeah, neither have we. Eastwick, based on John Updike’s best-selling novel and the popular movie, offers that ultimate wish-fulfillment fantasy.

Joanna (Lindsay Price)—the overly shy local reporter, Kat (Jamie Ray Newman)—the swamped wife and mom, and Roxie (Rebecca Romijn)—the eccentric artist are three very different women living in the New England hamlet of Eastwick. Because of catty gossip and preconceived judgments, they didn't really like each other that much. But after a bizarre encounter at the local park and one too many martinis, this trio not only become BFFs but begin discovering some bewitching talents they never knew they had.

But these three fast friends aren’t just drawing each other closer…

Something wicked is coming their way, and his name is Darryl Van Horne (Paul Gross)—an irresistible combination of wealth, charisma and bad boy sex appeal that turns the town upside-down. The closer these ladies are drawn into Darryl’s wicked web, the more of their unique powers he unleashes—which we can only imagine will spell trouble with a capital T.

As these enchanting women grow into their newfound talents, Eastwick will never be the same. And while that might be ill-fated for a few locals, it's still the best thing to happen to this small seaside community in centuries. I don’t know about you, but we can’t wait to get our front row seat.
 
 
http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/8300000/eastwick-eastwick-8364291-1089-1024.jpg

Metro Expo Sale

Metro Expo Sale
25 December 2009 - 03 January 2010

Event type : Retailer & Sales
Venue : Hall 5
Admission : Publice - Free Admission
Event Schedules : Time: 11am to 10pm

GO FOR IT!

Realisation

This year Christmas was entirely different for me.

Oh, the routines were similar enough. Collecting Christmas fare from a supermarket; heading to mum's for dinner then off to church for Mass; back home after that for the usual opening of presents. But something inside me was different.

Peace. and Love. something like that.

A) I didn't lose my temper or raise my voice ONCE the whole time I was with my folks. This is rare. Christmas at my mother's is usually fraught with tension and impatience on everybody's part. That I didn't lose it speaks wonders of the grace of God.

B) I've learnt something about myself - I AM stronger than I thought. And I have to keep believing that if HE brought me here, HE can take me through.  Cos in the midst of a personal relationship crisis I understand now what's important to me. And all this while I'd been focusing on this other thing. Which seemed so huge to me then, yet pales now in comparison to the real reasons for why I might not have my fairy tale ending.

C) It's been quiet - the extended Christmas partying has given way this year to spending quiet afternoons in with one or two friends and maintaining my devotion to attending Novena and Mass. I've also managed to squeeze in a couple of weekday Masses before the 24th, on account I had the evenings free since I didn't have any classes.

All in all it was a special time for me. Not in the usual celebratory way. But in one much, much more meaningful.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Have you had your Soursop Juice today?

Soursop, which is also known as Guyabano in Spanish and Graviola in Portuguese grows mainly in the tropical regions. The flesh of the fruit consists of a juicy white edible pulp that is high in fibre, carbohydrates, Vitamins C, B1, B2, and potassium. Fortunately it is also low in saturated fat, cholesterol, and sodium.















Got some at Giant food court at tampines mega big-big store for $2.50 a cup. No sugar added. Good stuff!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Reflections - NOT from Mulan

Everybody's different. We sometimes go through the same shit and may have variations of the same problem. But at the end of the day we're individuals. And so no matter how much we "understand" what the other person is going through, we'll still never *fully* understand their situation. My point - judge not. You never really know the whole story.

Sure you can ask for advice and you can gather different opinions but what you do at the end of the day, how you tackle a difficult situation is ultimately up to you. By that same token, if you've given a friend your two cents' worth, you've done what you can. In the end, it's their life and you have NO RIGHT to question their decision.

Consequently, if you've decided to deal with something one way, you ALSO have no right to go on and on and on about your plight. I mean, give your friends a break. They respect you enough to be a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on and a myriad of other cliches... the least you can do after you've made up your mind is to own the decision. Asking them why you have to put up with a husband's infidelity, or why you're broke all the time since you quit your job and had to move back home is just irresponsible friend behaviour. If YOU chose not to get a divorce or decided to give up your cushy job (for whatever reason) then it's on you to deal with the consequences.

Don't get me wrong, you can share worries and concerns and pour your heart out to a friend. You can use them as sounding boards. Go ahead and vent ever so often. But recognise at some point that THIS IS YOUR CHOICE.

And if I had to teach one important life lesson to my kids (as yet non-existent tho they may be), this would be it.

Acceptance and love on the one hand, and ownership of your decisions on the other.

I am grateful to have more than a handful of friends whom I can trust to understand this concept. And I wish nothing more than that everyone be blessed with the same.