Saturday, May 5, 2012

Sudah Makan Belum? / Jiak Par Buay? / Have You Eaten?

I was on the way to work. Carrying a bunch of stuff. Keys still in my hand from having just locked the door. The cabbie was waiting and I was trying to shove myself and all my barang-barang into the taxi. Then my fone rings. It's dad. I ignore it till it disconnects. I'll call him back. It rings again. And continues ...

After I sort out the seatbelt I pick up the phone. Dad's calling to ask me where I am and if I've eaten. GEEZ.

Ok, I know he means well. And I know this Asian mentality has us all asking if the other party has eaten. But think about it. If I haven't... what is he going to do about it? Ta-Pau food and bring it to school for me? Unlikely right... And if I have... what's it to him? Besides, the question gets asked regardless of time of day. Surely that can't be why you're calling me right?

So I figured out it's really all about asking how I am and letting me know he's thinking of me and he loves me. Maybe even misses me. (Although I don't know why... we see each other often enough.)

Yet why is it that we can't just pick up the phone and SAY what we mean. If I haven't seen a friend in a while I call to ask how they're doing and if everything's ok... and maybe arrange to meet soon. If I wanna let mum know I was thinking of her because I came across something that she might find amusing I'll text her and say so. But Dad doesn't do SMS. Which means I can't send him constant messages to let him know I'm thinking of him. I also can't just pick up the phone and call him cos half the time he doesn't have his mobile phone with him. So how else am I going to let him know that he's in my thoughts?

This means every time he feels like hearing my voice I try my darndest to take the call. Sometimes it's just bad timing. The most recent call came while I was at a wake. I didn't realise how loud I was speaking until I said where I was (cos his first question was Where Are You) and the people seated at the table turned to look at me. I got up and left the table so I'd be less likely to cause a ruckus and continued talking to dad for a bit. Basically the conversation went thus :

Where are you - I'm at a wake - Whose - My friend lah, nobody you know - Oh have you eaten? - Dad... I cannot talk now k? 

See the thing is I feel rotten whenever I rush to hang up on him. But the problem is it's just SO inane that I can't help but get irritated. Seriously? I'm at a wake and you want to know if I've eaten? Really?

Today I rang him - on mum's phone cos I couldn't get him on HIS. And I said to him, you know if you call and I don't pick up, leave it. It just means I'm busy and I'll call you back. Also, please don't ask me if I've eaten cos that question really doesn't make any sense to me. I know you're calling to ask if I'm ok and to let me know you love me. So why can't we just say what we mean?  (I hope he gets it.) 

So now you're all asking "If you know what it is, why get so worked up?"

The answer is I DON'T KNOW. Every time I hear that question I don't know what to say. Well, yes dad, I ate 3 hours ago at lunch time. And since it's 5pm now I'm not sure what is it you're expecting me to have eaten - lunch or dinner? So do I say yes? Or do I say not yet? Or do I just disregard the actual question and give him a YES every time he asks? That's just stupid as far as my logical understanding is concerned. If we're going to be asking the same question and getting the same response regardless of the facts, so as to satisfy the need to connect KNOWING that what he really means is "I love you" and I mean "I love you too" then why the blardy hell can't we say just that? 

Daddy, the next time you call, just say "Hi girl, how are you?" and I'll say "I'm fine, I love you too". There. Was that so difficult?




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