Crossroads

I think it was the title of a Bon Jovi album. It never occurred to me just how difficult making a decision could be.

On the one hand there is the familiar. But with all the good familiar, comes the bad familiar. And while it would be so easy to choose what I know, it would also be going against every bit of common sense. On the other hand, there is the promise of discovery and newness. My head is spinning from having to make a choice. 

But the fact that I'm not choosing to make a U-turn speaks volumes. It would seem I HAVE chosen, wouldn't it?

For now, all I'm saying is that I deserve my one last chance too. So that's what I'm choosing.

I realise...

... that people don't usually say what they mean, or mean what they say

... what I wanted then is very different from what I want now

... if you keep looking for that "thing" that you think will bring you happiness, you'll never be happy

... I've been losing for so long that I don't believe I could ever win

... no matter how awesome you think your friends are, they can surprise you with even more awesome-ness

... my standards are too darn high and I have to accept that people aren't saints

... I am no longer capable of being the Queen Bitch I once was

... there are tons of crazies in the world

... if you want something badly enough, you'll figure out a way to get it

... making excuses is my way of running away from possible failure

... I used to be more of a risk taker in my youth

... my home is sacred to me. 

GE 2011

It's 8 days to polling day.

I'm not saying I'm displeased with our current parliament.

I'm just saying, isn't it time we had a few more opposition voices ?

In my dream

In my dream I was surprised to see you
I wanted to reach out and say your name

In my dream it felt as if nothing had changed
Everything was exactly the way it was

Everyone doing whatever they did
Even the time of day was true to our habits

And yet I felt a tug, a catch in my voice
Something pulling at me
I looked behind me and then I woke

And awareness set in

In my dream I was how I was
Before I saw the truth, the cold reality

Now with open eyes I look behind me -
I see it all
Figures.
If only I'd known for sure...

Here Comes The Rabbit

A month ago I got some news. It smacked me in the face. I thought I knew someone, it turns out I didn't. But I suppose one never does eh?

The first reaction this new information elicited from me was "Why do men cheat?"

I suppose the answer is : Because they can.

Ok, ok, I know that's a sweeping statement that will probably give rise to all sorts of disgruntled comments and wails of "unfair!!" cos women have been known to cheat too. But hey, we don't get caught as often as the guys do!

:)

With this episode, and having to deal with it emotionally, I've learnt a little bit more about myself. And the world I live in. The most important lessons I'll take with me into this lunar new year of the rabbit are:

1) Never to compromise my standards to a point where I lose myself. Being trusting is one thing. But I'll not stand for anymore rubbish from the people I date.

2) Be the best daughter / sister that I can be. And if I have to lose a few battles, then so be it. My parents aren't exactly spring chickens no more. I figure I should always be mindful of that fact.

3) This next one may seem a little contradictory - while people behave the way they do around me based on how I am when I'm with them, (ie. I am responsible for how they are with me) I need to also realise that I am not to be blamed for people (men OR women) who betray my trust and violate my personal space - and yes, I AM referring specifically to *that* kind of personal space.

==============================================

It's been a week since I started this post and by now I've had numerous dinners / lunches / non-meal-specific meet-ups with friends and family.

In the process I've gotten some more information about a certain someone who lost a certain amount of weight (presumably from misery) and has since bloated back up again (presumably since she's happy again).

And while I know it's evil and mean-hearted of me, I can't help but think that in spite of the couple of kgs I've gained since Christmas, I'm certain I'm still hotter than her.

So (and I say this for the benefit of the people reading this who KNOW what and who this is all about) if he wants to have his cake and eat it too, then he's got another think coming cos clearly she's eaten all of it. ;)